My Journey Through Cancer

Chemo. Good? Bad? Yes. Chemo is often described as “the treatment that’s worse than the disease it’s treating”. True. Maybe. Maybe not. The possible side effects for the Chemo drug I’m on can be daunting. Nausea. Hair loss. Neuropathy. Nails turning blue. Headaches. Change in taste. Change in smell. Chest pain. Chills. Weight gain. Unusual bruising. Etc. Etc. Etc. About 30 others. Long list. My cancer has only one side effect that I can think of. Death. It can, and will, try to kill me. So…help me here. Help me weigh my option. Nausea or death. Hair loss or death. Aches and pains or death. Again. Etc. Etc. Etc. This battle demands strength. This battle demands commitment. This battle demands sacrifice. I can sit in the stands and watch this battle from the sidelines. Hoping for the best. A miracle. A cure. Or I can give it every ounce of fight I’ve got. Experience some side effects. Suffer through. All in an effort to win. To beat this ugly life-taking POS. I read this recently: “Cancer is a fight to the death. Either you kill it or it will kill you. Get ready for a brawl!” I love too many people. Too many people love me. A wife that wants me beside her. A Jesus that I adore. A Jesus that loves me. Not to fight. Not to sacrifice. Not to win. So win it will be!!! My knees will be worn from ever giving this battle to Him. Listen. Now. >The Battle Belongs to You! #mystoryforHisglory

Yesterday. My PSMA PET scan took place. Injected with a Radioactive liquid. Purpose. More accurately “trace” my Prostate Cancer and where the tumors, lesions and nodules have migrated. The results where not what I was hoping for. The scan confirmed that my cancer has spread and still believes it can win this battle. This war. But my cancer is deceiving itself. No matter what. No. Matter. What. – – – My God. My Jesus. Will prove victorious. All this means is the battle will continue to be waged. For the time being. My Oncologist said this scan pretty much confirms that I will qualify for a newer treatment. One that has shown substantial success in extending lives of patients with the type of Prostate Cancer I have. Praise God!! There will be no give up. No back down – For Debbie & I. Our Jesus. Our family. Our friends. Provide too strong of a support network for that.

My “walk beside” sister, Sandi. The person who, other than Debbie, has been with me, hand in hand & heart in heart, through this journey sent this amazing video to me this morning. As we wait on God. And His power. And sometimes wonder why we have to wait. Please watch. My family “has my back”, my friends “have my back”, and most of all My God “has my back”.

Listen/watch ➡️➡️➡️ Why are we instructed to wait

Today is PSMA PET scan day. This is a scan that uses “targeted tracers” to located everywhere my cancer has spread to. This will help guide treatment after my present round of Chemo is completed (Round 5/6 one week from today). Help decide will there be a substantial break from Chemo or will round 2 be needed sooner than expected. Knowing is intimidating but also a good thing. The continual evolving of my ongoing treatment to meet what works best for me is crucial. I have this scan today, an outpatient surgery next Tuesday to relieve a blockage that has developed, then next Thursday my next round of Chemo. Alongside that, Debbie has a PET scan next Tuesday, an MRI next Wednesday, and a Bone Marrow biopsy next Thursday. We have quite the busy medical week and ask for your prayers through this.

Debbie and I both continue to lean heavily into Jesus, family and friends. We know if any of those were removed our journeys would be very different.

Early morning flight to Nashville this morning, for the annual fundraiser for a Michael W Smith youth ministry we heavily support. #Rocketown

I intended to write my blog on the flight. Didn’t. Then I thought I’d do it during lunch. Didn’t. Later I found out why.

We had a little time so we decided to run by “Antique Archaeology” the store that the American Pickers has in Nashville. Pulled into one of the parking lots across the street. Walked up to pay. The young man running the lot says “what does your hat say?” I lean forward slightly and respond “It says MyStoryForHisGlory. I designed it. It’s my theme as I battle cancer. I plan on giving Jesus the glory for everything.” He says “Can I ask your name, I’d like to pray for you”. WoW. Unbelievable.

We went in. Looked around. Bought a few items. Headed to the car. We waved as we walked by. He came rushing out. He said “I hope you don’t mind, but I wrote you a little note to encourage you.” Mind?? Tears as I read it later.

Just when we need it. Exactly. When. We. Need. It. Jesus comes through. The tears that flowed today washed away yesterday’s sadness. And Jesus shone through. Showed who He is.

M and I bonded. Because we both know Jesus. Because we both love Jesus. And because of that in common, M cares about me. I promised to stay in touch as he asked, so his prayers will be as current as possible.

Thank you M!!!

Jim Valvano – better known as Jimmy V.

Jimmy V was a successful college basketball coach. Most famously known for leading the heavy underdog NC State to the 1983 NCAA National Championship. I can still see him running around that court – hands in the air while smiling and cheering. The biggest advice he had for his basketball teams, served him well when in 1992 he was diagnosed with cancer. “Don’t Give Up – Don’t Ever Give Up”. He implored his players to believe in themselves, not the newspaper stories. Not the TV sportscasters. In themselves. That’s how they could overcome. The underdogs could stand on the winners platform. Cancer, marital troubles you’re going through, work problems, financial problems. Don’t Give Up, Don’t Ever Give Up.

Jimmy V actually gave us a wealth of quotes during his battle.

“If you laugh, you think and you cry. That’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special”. Experience our emotions, don’t hide them. Don’t fear them. Experience them.

“Cancer can take away all of my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart, and it cannot touch my soul”. We have so much of us that is so bigger than what we are going through. Never ever forget that.

“Time is very precious to me. I don’t know how much I have left and I have some things I would like to say. Hopefully, at the end, I will have said something that will be important to other people too”. None of us truly know how much time we have left. None of us. My Drs may think they have somewhat of an idea. But they honestly don’t. So let’s remember. You remember. I’ll remember. Let’s always try to impact others. In a great way. A positive way.

So. Live life. Love life. Experience life.

Today, Debbie & I will be heading to a Michael W Smith event at The Cove. The Cove is in a beautiful mountain setting at Billy Graham’s place near Asheville, NC. The event is very intimate, with only 300-350 people. So refreshing. We have been other times and leave refreshed and so much more in love with Jesus. Note: one year we were in a newlywed game with Michael W, his wife, Shannon Bream (of Fox News), her husband, and one other couple. We lost by one point to Shannon and her husband. Lol

Anyway, as we approach, this was posted on Michael’s FB page.

So much truth in that verse. No matter how dark our world appears as we go through our journey, The Light shines. Even the darkest of nights cannot contain it. We need to always remember that. Thirteen words to add to our memory. Always there to recall when we need it. When life seems to be going south. Look. Maybe a different direction. Maybe a different focus. But The Light is there. Always there!!

Let’s see a show of hands. Who remembers the Rocky movies? Especially the first? Here’s a fighter. A relatively ordinary fighter. Except. He didn’t let the punches get to him. He saw the goal. The target. And he continued toward it. Blow after blow he absorbed. But he kept moving forward.

Anyone feel like that some days? Some weeks? Some years? Face one side of the ring – Dr: “Jim we see some things we don’t like, I’m going to order a new PET scan”. Body blow. Turn the other direction – Dr: “Jim, you have a blockage that will require outpatient surgery to resolve”. Body blow. Seeking relief – turn to face a new direction. Debbie: “Jim, my Dr just called and confirmed I have Multiple Myeloma”. Body punch. Where to I go next. Where do I turn to avoid the barrage of punches. Look to your “corner”. Your team. My team. Is there. Waiting to patch the cuts. Waiting to provide the refreshing water. Waiting to encourage. Your team. My team. Jesus. Family. Friends. All there. In my corner. In your corner.

So why fight alone. When we don’t have to. The random text of encouragement from a friend. The random verse sent. The random expression of love from a family member. Wait. Not random. Purpose. To help. To encourage.

We are not meant to battle alone. So don’t. Lean into Jesus. Sag comfortably into the arms of a friend. Let the family memories you have strengthen.

You can do it. I can do it. We can do it.

Yesterday while Debbie and I were listening to some Christian programming – we heard this said – “God, if you put me in this situation, there must be more to me than I think there is.”

Once again, said another way. God will never put us in something that is beyond what we can handle. Often, while in the middle of it, we don’t see that. I don’t see that. You don’t see that. Yes, when it feels like there is no hope. No way out. It’s easy to get discouraged. And Satan cheers. Satan loves discouragement. Satan loves hearing us talk about giving up. Then, Satan wins. And he smiles.

But we have better. We have Jesus. We have the knowledge that He will never give us too much. AND, He is beside us the whole journey. Loving. Supporting. Caring.

So when your journey seems too much. When my cancer seems too much. Turn deeper to Jesus. Thank Him for all He does. For you. For me. For us.

Real pain. Real struggles. Real hurt. But NEVER more than we can handle. Never more than we can survive.

To borrow those two simple words from Michael Jordan as he told the world he was returning – to basketball.

The last 2 weeks have been hard. Physically trying. Exhausting. Emotionally draining.

But through it all. Through everything I’ve gone through in the past number of days, it has never been spiritually empty. Jesus was here. The entire time. During moments that I could barely get to an upright position due to exhaustion. During the times I laid on the couch moaning – as I battled nausea. During some times I received some surprising news. But guess what. Jesus was here. Jesus was always here. Jesus never left. Never took a break.

I’m reminded, once again, that Jesus wants it all. All of us. He doesn’t swing by only during the best times. When everything is going well. As we feel we are approaching “the wall”. Maybe unable to go farther that day. We feel something. That “I’m being watched” feeling. Then – we see – the cause. Of that feeling. It’s because Jesus is. Watching. Caring. Loving. Never left. Never took a break.

We find it’s us. It’s always us. God is faithful. Always faithful. Peter looked down – Jesus didn’t.

Jordan St. Cyr has a song. “No Matter What”. So wonderful uses song to express. It’s me. It’s us. It’s never Jesus. Time to draw close. Let Jesus’ arms wrap around us. Let Him draw us close. Let Him love us.

No Matter What by jordan st. cyr

When I think my faith isn’t big enough
To make this mountain move
When my strength’s finally given up
I’ve done all I can do

It’s a too familiar story
But you’ve always been there for me
Even now I trust you’ll get me through

When I’m kicking and screaming
When I struggle believing
God, You are always faithful
No matter what
When my eyes cannot see it
And my heart doesn’t feel it
God, You are always faithful
No matter what

God you know my humanity is anything but whole
Still you say that you want me and you won’t let me go

Without a doubt over and over
You put my burdens on your shoulders
It’s never been about what I can do
It’s always you

When I’m kicking and screaming
When I struggle believing
God, You are always faithful
No matter what
When my eyes cannot see it
And my heart doesn’t feel it
God, You are always faithful
No matter what

No matter if I have the faith
No matter if I see a way
You’re with me right now and always
No matter if I have the strength
No matter the choices I’ve made
You fight for me now and always, always
No matter what

When I’m kicking and screaming
When I struggle believing
God, You are always faithful
No matter what
When my eyes cannot see it
And my heart doesn’t feel it
God, You are always faithful
No matter what

God, You are always faithful
No matter what

Listen here ➡️➡️ No Matter What

Love this song by MercyMe. Catchy tune. Great words. Talks about going back to tell Younger Me what to change. Before it happened. Before the pain. Before the hurt. But would we? Would you? I’m not sure I would. If I had the chance. What we go through. What we experience. Makes us who we are. And often it’s the most painful moments that we learn the most from. Kinda like touching the hot stove. Get burned. Learn. To not do that again. What if you had every painful. Hurtful. Experience. Removed from your life. Gone. The entire memory gone. Also gone would be what you learned through it. How you became better. How you learned “don’t touch the hot stove” during those times. How would we be different? Hard to know for sure. But we would be different. And maybe not all good.

Did you ever see the movie Back to the Future? Remember how much things changed when a few things were altered during Marty’s time travel. Up to the point that Marty wasn’t going to be around. Because one little change meant his parents didn’t get together.

So maybe the best thing is rather than wishing we could go back and change things in our life. Be able to tell our Younger Me not to make those mistakes. Tell the younger people around us. Help them “learn from our mistakes”. Not only what mistakes we made that they should avoid – but teach them the lessons we learned from those mistakes. Then. Just maybe. We all win.

Listen. Here. ➡️ ➡️ Dear Younger Me

Their are a few points that I’ve tried to regularly bring up. That God brings to my heart. Two of the biggest are. Don’t worry Don’t fear. God has it. Jesus has it. Worrying only affects the worrier. And not it a good way. Worry is depressing. Worry is discouraging. And suffering through that – when there is absolutely no need to. Crazy – in my opinion. Worrying doesn’t make it better. Worrying doesn’t make it go away. Actually – the exact opposite. Worrying keeps what we are going through. Dealing with. At the front of our mind. In a depressing – joy robbing – sorta way. Worrying is also good for fear. It feeds fear. Makes fear bigger. Our minds are powerful. The scenarios our minds can develop are jaw-dropping. I don’t want to live that way. Do you? Joy. Peace. Thankful heart. Love. Much better. Read the lyrics and listen to the song below. Remember. We don’t need to worry because God will hold us tight.

Hold You Tight by dan bremnes

You walk, you run, you climb
And you fall again
You crawl, you fight, you break apart tonight
But I am the voice that keeps on calling out to you
Lighting up the dark
I turn chaos into art

So if you’re falling under
Or if you’re letting go

Don’t you worry tonight
I will hold you
Don’t you worry my child
I will stay by your side
In the middle of it
In the middle of it
I will hold you
Hold you
Hold you tight

You hope, you dream, you chase, you bleed
A story in these scars are never gone
And you’re lost and found, I’m here and now
And underneath these stars
I see just who you are

Don’t you worry tonight
I will hold you
Don’t you worry my child
I will stay by your side
In the middle of it
In the middle of it
I will hold you
Hold you
Hold you tight

You don’t have to worry
You don’t have to hide
I know you’re weary, weary from the fight
You don’t have to fear now
I’m here by you’re side
And I’m gonna wait here
Wait with you tonight

Don’t you worry tonight
I will hold you
Don’t you worry my child
I will stay by your side
In the middle of it
In the middle of it
I will hold you
Hold you
Hold you tight (don’t have to worry)

Don’t you worry tonight
I will hold you (don’t have to fight)
Don’t you worry my child
I will stay by your side
In the middle of it
In the middle of it
I will hold you
Hold you
Hold you tight

Hold you tight
(Hold you, hold you)
Hold you tight

Right here. Hear here. ➡️ ➡️ Hold You Tight